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never again

Sabog. windang. wasak. wagas. this was me that very humid and tiring saturday afternoon last march 2. i didn't catch any sleep the night before, for my mind was so hyped and excited planning for the holy week trip. damn. next time, i should not bring about topics regarding trips and planning at night.

 

went to work at a local drugstore. i knew it was going to be an exhausting day but i never thought it was going to be a nightmare! first, i didn't get enough glucose to perk and start my day since i was lacking sleep my appetite wasn't good. though they provided lunch, of course i can't eat in front of my patients while they wait for me, for their turn! second, the staff in the drugstore kept on accepting people even though they knew i was only up until 12nn! i didn't notice this at first up until i was getting dizzy and my vision became blurred and began to dim. i was super hypoglycemic! darn! that was a close call to a near-syncopal attack!

 

when i contacted the person-in-charge, she told me that i shoould have prioritized my patients particularly those who have lab results to present. well, i wish they could have had a more reliable staff who segregates those with lab results and those for consult only. and likewise i didn't like when she commented implying that the pace with which i see patients wasn't fast enough. excuse me! that's what you call abusado!

 

lessons learned: never to take my health for granted, for i am not superhuman, and second, never to allow people to abuse me like what the staff did. it nearly caused me to be hospitalized!

 

i should have cancelled that work at hindi na nagpumilit pang pumasok when i knew i was not physically fit to go to work because of lack of sleep. also, i should have talked to the staff beforehand that they will stop admitting patients for consult an hour before 12nn. imagine, i extended for 3 hours because of that! never again, i tell you, never again will i allow this to happen. for me to be abused and taken for granted like this that it could have costed me my health and my life. never again.

 

final diagnosis:
mild dehydration
sympathetic hyperactivity
panic attack
over fatigue
hypoglycemia
borderline heat exhaustion

idle

in idle moments you always cross my mind. i miss you more each passing day and i eagerly look forward to the time when we'll see each other again.

 

Father, please guide me as i try and figure out what i have to do right now.

the H word

I hate it that i still think about you...

 

I hate it that i still talk to you... even though it feels like i am talking to a wall...

 

But most of all, I hate it that i still feel this way about you...

 

I am completely clueless as to why you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. My dilemma now is: do i wait or do i leave?

 

Lord, please just take these all away if it will only cause me more pain than what I am already going on through.

dejavu

i miss you so bad, it hurts. and i am starting to hate myself for still feeling this way even if i know that you choose not to be disturbed for some reason. i don't know how long i can wait or hold on for i was never the patient type.

 

i hate myself for still trying to reach out to you even though i know i will not be getting any replies.

 

be a man and tell me you don't want me anymore. stop using your work as an excuse for not talking or replying. bastard.

 

finally, why is it that i am always left in the dark? argh...

 

#dejavu #gettingoveru

second thoughts

why am i having second thoughts about the career path i am choosing? that is to become a surgeon.

 

 

 

Lord, i am bothered. are you calling me to do other things? to pursue You?

 

5 in the morning

tears have dried when i woke up. 4:30am. restroom break, washed my face, applied toner and then moisturizer.

 

wide awake. instead of picking up a surgery book, i picked up my phone instead. checked for mails, fb messages, fb notices for the nth time since yesterday, and the day before. what was i waiting for? nothing which he doesn't know.

 

feeling more sorry for myself for utilizing precious time in shinanigans instead of preparing for residency exams, i gave up and went on with the urge of wasting even more of my time on matters of the heart. i could remember penne saying then, referring to herself: stalker mode.

 

looking through pictures of him, history which i felt was too broad for me to keep or follow in my head. family and friends, relationships, events then and now. these past few days i've been reading old messages. how nostalgic this is. i'd have my phone's memory to thank for this. however, no. unlike before, this time i wouldn't be deleting or burning anything. for i would want to keep the memories at bay.

 

songs. they become what we percieve them to be. and right now, i'd like to think that it is Christ singing me those songs. my friend, listen to the birds that are singing for me and you. i've opened my heart to love. and i've risked it to get hurt. i have no regrets. i've since prayed to let Him take away these feelings if it will only bring me despair.

 

dawn is breaking. i could smell papa preparing breakfast, which would become my brunch later today. i could hear my dogs barking greeting whoever passes by the street. i could hear my neighbor's school bus, fetching her for school. 5am, i got a few more hours to sleep before my day starts.

 

good night, my friend. farewell (?)... i miss you...

at random


>I hate it when you're busy. I hate it when I'm busy. I hate it when we're both busy. *sigh*</p>

 

>The worst part of being a doctor is that you see people die. But you know what's the best part? It is that you are constantly reminded that there is someone and something bigger than everything and everyone. And that you are humbled to know how precious life is and how significant this borrowed time is.

 

>I've seen countless of lives expire, and I know that I will be seeing more.

 

>When my facilitator asked me what gift of the Holy Spirit I wanted us to pray for, I immediately answered, the gift of Healing.

 

>Being a physician is not simply a career path I chose, but a calling. It provides privilege to initiate and promote change to the lives of people.

 

>My talent, skills, and interests were not manmade but divinely given for a purpose. By harnessing my abilities and pursuing my interests will I discover the purpose why these gifts were bestowed upon me.

changing people

The thing I learned about changing people is that we can only do as much. It is not a 1 man show. Nor is it the last man standing. It's about influencing people to change but not forcing them to. And just like what Will Smith said in the movie Hitch, you do not go all the way.

Lord's Day - Kristo Fever

It's our chapter's last session for Kristo Fever CLP. And as facilitator, I was to give recognition to my participants and assistant facilitator. It was a tough task, I never knew. I started thinking about how I would do the task. Then the idea came, that I would describe my sisters on a given theme: movies.

 

#1 YEN
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" This sister is not just blessed with tangible beauty but also has a compassionate heart. Bright, brave and confident. She emulates the true character of snow white.
Movie: SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN

 

#2 KTEL
"There's a crack in everyone. That's how the light of God gets in."
Eating from simple comfort foods to drinks in cafes and restaurants, and to frozen yogurts, this sister has a quench for food, travel, adventure. Her love for inspirational books and listening to and learning from people's experience shows her deep personal sense of thought. Likewise, her prayers reveal her love to her family, her GG, her friends, and to the community which she serves.
Movie: EAT, PRAY, LOVE

 

#3 JOY
"I believe I can, I believe I will, I believe I know my dreams are real..."
Talent. This sister is surely extremely gifted in the arts (dancing, writing, etc.) and literature.
Passion. Her work, whether in community service or in the office, despite her trials in both, is a manifestation of her drive to do the things she does.
Service. Her commitment in giving service to the community is exemplified with how challenging it is to schedule a meeting with her.
Loyal. A great friend who lends a helping hand, provides comfort to a friend in need, and never ceases to have her presence felt especially in times of trials.
Hardworking. Focused on a task, she exhausts all means necessary and sacrifices what needs to be given.
Movie: HONEY

 

#4 ESTHER
An incredible sister with awesome traits/powers:
Strength. Holding on to God despite the trials in her life shows her deep faith. Likewise, her being able to bridge her family and glue them together reveals this power.
Stretch. Her ability to be patient during arduous times and her ability to remain who she is even after repetitive stretches makes her a super.
Fast/Quick. Quick is she in the way her mind works. A person with a lot of ideas, she is indeed an interesting person to talk to.
Shield/Protector. A defender especially to those who she treasures most.
Shapeshifter. This sister adapts to anything and anyone with her ability to transcend to different kinds and classes of people, given her outgoing personality.
Movie: THE INCREDIBLES

 

Had a great deal of fun, despite the challenge, of coming up with this. I hope the recipients had fun too. :-D

Tags:

dreams

I dreamt about you, again.

 

I dreamt about us.
 
Are you the one?

 

We'll see.
 
Dear Lord, guard my deceitful heart from all lies and assumptions. Lead me towards the kind of person I desire, whom You have prepared me and my heart for. Amen.